Monday, April 20, 2009

Your an embarresment to aesthetics.

We went to a nice, quite, little dance party recently. I, being the hermit that I am, has not been out frolicking since Autumn...hibernation set in with the snow. I was a bit caught off guard by what I saw, or maybe it was a shock to be anywhere outdoors. I'll blame the breezy's* anyways.

*Breezy- noun, refers to a woman who is a one night stand and knows it. More than likely the bar of moral standers is nonexistent. Typically has an orangeish hue to skin due to heavy makeup or fake tanning. Often is mislead to believe the way to make friends is through the bedroom/ backseat of your Honda/ middle stall of the bathroom/ behind the del taco. See- chicken head, floozy, hoe, skank.

Escort like, strappy heels where in abundance. Body glitter nearly blinded me. Hoochy, ill fitting attire as far as the eye can see. I have no idea what crosses peoples minds when they look in the mirror. How can you say to your self, "Yes, I'm bangin right now. Everyone is gonna love my cotton-polyester blend, yellow sequins, tube-top with no bra, and my knock-off hooker boots that I can't walk in. Yep, I'm ready for a night on the town. Just after I take a bath in this $1.99 body spray I got at wet seal." Are you aspiring to be in low budget adult films soon, or do you really just have not reverence for common decency.

The cheapest, trashiest, easiest, rudest, and the most unattractive woman where all there. Not that they were born unattractive, but somewhere along the line in learning about the make up, and chalk pastels in art class, the lines got blurred. They almost always make themselves look like a clown. That or a Tijuana prostitute. But it's your fault, you're the one holding that eyeliner like a crayola marker. I just call them as I see 'em.

How did evolution revert it's self? You answer to grunts and denim, man meat, rubbing on you during the most basic of song beats. They can circle around you, hoot and holar a lot, and it will make you dance like you have an epileptic fever, in the most gritty, dirty, filthy expositions of physical expression.

Dear floozy,

Here are my problems with the way you act.....
You always play dumb. Dumb is not attractive. Dumb is stupid, and unless you live in the Bay Area and are down with the Hyphy movement, dumb is a negative term. Hearing you speak is most entertaining part of my day. I will sit and bask in the glorious, uneducated, slow witted, naive, show that you put on. I love the purposely provocative topics you choose to bring up, the "not so discrete" innuendos are always welcome. Pardon me? But I feel like you have the intelligence of a fruit fly. Your a joke. I sit and listen and try not to make a mean/ shocked face, or giggle at the garbage that is spewing for your trap that is completely and utterly obscure. The best part about it is that the second you leave, they ( all the guys you were trying to seduce into your lady cave) all talk about you and laugh about how you can't carry on a conversation. So knock off the dits act and crack open a book, ill even settle for news radio, or the discovery channel. I know CNN would be to much to ask. Anything but the nonsense you are saying now.

I am not threatened by such creatures. Discussed, confused, outraged, and particularly annoyed. Yep, that covers it... Your selling yourself so short, your looks will only get you to the bedroom, after that you have nothing to offer. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE help your self. I just feel bad for you.... well not all of you. But the ones that don't know better, save yourself. Have some class, some dignity. Confidence is attractive. Lets put a little more clothes on, and ditch the "desperate night wanderer" look. Lady's like you ruin and disease our gender's reputation.

Please go away you degenerates. Don't come around looking all loose, and talking all dramatic. Guys only like you because they don't have to buy you a meal to get to 3rd base.

2 comments:

  1. you, mchenna, are a golden god. thank you for this.

    ReplyDelete
  2. In the bay we get hyphy, stupid, dumb and hyphy

    ReplyDelete